


Suffocating

by heyliarose



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:40:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23378539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyliarose/pseuds/heyliarose
Summary: Overwhelmed with the pain in her heart she dropped to her knees. She choked, trying to force air into her lungs. Suffocating. The unbearable pain was suffocating her from within. // This idea has been stuck in my head for a while now. Finally had the time and courage to write it down. Thank you for reading, if you do.
Relationships: Tommy Shelby/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	Suffocating

She was met with a gush of warm air when she entered their home in Small Heath, a stark contrast to the freezing air outside. She rubbed her hands together in an attempt to briefly warm them before she removed her coat. There was no need to ask if anyone was home. She knew that Tommy would return late that night. He had some business to take care of at the countryside. He hadn’t told her what business exactly, but she didn’t need to know anyway. She trusted him enough. The young woman hung up her coat before she made her way into the kitchen to put something small together for herself to eat. Once she was finished eating, she poured herself some whisky and went upstairs to take a long hot bath. As the warm water wrapped around her body like a blanket, she instantly felt her sore muscles relax. Taking a long drag from her cigarette, she leaned back in the bathtub and exhaled slowly. Sometimes the days at the betting shop could be extremely exhausting and today was just one of those days. So she relished in the fact that she could spend this evening alone and in peace. Once she had finished her whisky and the bathwater was cold, she stepped out of the tub and got herself ready for bed. She hadn’t realised how tired she really was until her head hit the comfortable pillow and she drifted off to sleep instantly.

* * *

2:13am. She didn’t know what had woken her as her eyes fluttered open and she slowly sat up in bed. She reached out to the other side of the bed but found it to still be empty. Tommy hadn’t returned yet from his business, which wasn’t too unusual. She wanted to lie down and go back to sleep when the noise that had woken her in the first place sounded again. Rubbing her eyes, she realised it was someone knocking on their door downstairs. As she slowly climbed out of bed and wrapped her robe around her body, the knocking got even more persistent. With her mind still clouded from sleep she slowly made her way down the stairs as not to tumble over. “Alright. Hold your horses, I’m coming,” she shouted. Once at the door she hesitated a moment. “Who is it?”

“It’s Arthur. Open the door Kaylee.”

Something about his voice sounded off, so she opened the door quickly. The sight she was met with made her feel uneasy. Arthur was leaning against the doorframe, traces of blood on his dark coat, John standing a few feet behind him. Both of them looking utterly defeated.

“What happened? Are you okay?” she asked concerned. Knowing Arthur the blood probably meant that the other guy was dead. “We need you to come with us,” the elder Shelby said, ignoring her questions. Kaylee looked at him confused. “Why? Arthur what happened?” she tried again. The look Arthur then gave her sent an awful chill right down to her core. She shifted her gaze to the other man, but was met with the same broken expression. “John?”

She alternated her gaze between the brothers. “Where’s Tommy?” she asked as no one answered her first question. Unshed tears glistered in the eyes of the eldest Shelby and it made her stomach turn. Fear suddenly gripped at her heart, dreading Arthur’s next words, words that would turn her world upside down. “Tommy’s dead,” Arthur growled. “Tommy’s fucking dead,” he repeated, hitting his fist against the doorframe which made her flinch. She took a step back and shook her head. No. This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t real. A laugh escaped her lips as the first tears left her eyes. “No.” More and more tears followed. Her hands shook as she lifted them to cover her mouth. Arthur’s heart broke seeing her like this. He’d always been fond of her. She was part of the family. She let her hands fall to her side and released the breath she didn’t know she was holding. “I want to see him,” she uttered and her voice sounded so broken. “I want to see Tommy. Please. I want to see Tommy.”

Arthur nodded. He stepped briefly inside the house the grab her coat and hang it around her shoulders so that she would be shielded from the freezing night air. With his hands on her shoulders he slowly guided her to the car, too afraid she’d collapse on him should he let her go. John went and quickly opened the door for them. Arthur helped her inside before they got in as well and John drove off to the hospital. The ride there was spent in utter silence. Kaylee’s gaze was fixed outside the window. Her mind wandering, trying to desperately remember the last thing she said to him. Over the past years she’d never considered the possibility of death, never gave it a second thought, now it was consuming her mind, her body, every fiber of her being. The realisation that she would never wake up to his blue eyes watching her, would never see the beautiful smile he’d only bestowed on her and never hear the chaste I love you’s before he went to sleep ever again made her heart shatter into a million pieces. “Kaylee?” a familiar voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she turned her head to look at Arthur who was waiting at the car door to help her. She hesitated. Looking at him through her tired and tear stained eyes. “Arthur… I…”

Arthur looked at her with kind eyes. “I know, love.” He reached for her hand again and she accepted, letting her being pulled out of the car by his strong arms. She suddenly felt cold. Not from the winter’s night air, but from deep within. A cold that no blanket or fire could warm. She didn't register much as they made their way through the hospital. Her mind only focused again as they stood in front of the door that let to the room that held the dead body of the love of her life. Beside the door stood Polly, Ada, and Finn. The two girls were clinging to each other, crying silently, while Finn stood beside them his head hung low and no sound escaping from his lips. She didn’t dare look at them for fear that she would not make it through the door. She needed to be strong. For herself and for him. Kaylee opened the door and slowly made her way into the room. Nobody followed her, giving her the space and time she needed. The young woman came to a halt in front of the cold metal lounger. Her shaking hand reached out to touch his arm and almost drew back in shock of how cold he already was. Tears escaped her eyes at the realisation that he was indeed gone and that he wasn’t coming back to her. His otherwise sleekly styled hair hung loosely to one side, his otherwise glowing skin pale, his gorgeous blue eyes closed to rest. Her whole body shook as more and more tears came crashing down. She grabbed his arm with both of her hands and started to shake his body. First gently, then more and more vigorously. “Wake up!” she screamed. “Wake up! Tommy please! You have to wake up!” Nothing happened. Overwhelmed with the pain in her heart she dropped to her knees. She choked, trying to force air into her lungs. Suffocating. The unbearable pain was suffocating her from within. “Please Tommy! Don’t leave me alone!” she gasped. In the next second, strong arms wrapped around her body and pulled her upwards, away from _him._ Arthur pulled her against his chest, shielding her from the sight before her. She pushed against his chest, tried to free herself from his grasp, but Arthur was stronger. “Shh…”, he tried to calm her. “It’s alright. It’s alright.”

She wanted to punch him right then and there. Alright? How could it ever be alright? How was she ever going to be alright again? Once she had seemingly calmed down at least a bit, Arthur let go of her again. Her gaze was fixed on the ground as silent tears ran down her red cheeks. She pressed her hand against her mouth to suppress a scream as she let herself drop to her knees again. She didn’t have the strength to stand upright anymore. Polly and Ada were at her side in an instant. “I can’t breathe,” she choked.

“I know darling, I know,” Polly said, smoothing blonde locks out of the young woman’s face. “But you need to, ok? For Tommy.”

She didn’t reply. She didn’t feel like speaking anymore. She let herself be pulled to her feet again. Someone guided her out of the room, the hospital and to the car. She was too weak to fight against the arms that pulled her away from the man that was her world. Too weak to fight the arms that helped her into the vehicle that would drive her home again. A home that would never be the same again. A home that would be empty and cold, like her heart. She refused the offer of someone staying with her for the night. She wanted to be alone. She wanted to lie down and never wake up again. Dazed she hung up her coat and slowly made her way upstairs to the bedroom. Tears were still running like a waterfall over her cheeks, but her body felt dumb. As soon as her head hit the comfortable pillow, she drifted off to sleep instantly.

* * *

The sun tickled her awake the next morning. She slowly opened her eyes and was immediately met with a headache. She reached out to the other side of the bed but found it to be empty. Remembering the events of last night she jumped out of bed. “Tommy?” she shouted. Everything was a bad dream, a very bad dream, it had to be. “Tommy, love, are you home?” Reaching the ground floor she searched every room, to no avail. The house was empty. She could feel the tears threatening to fall. The young woman quickly grabbed her coat and left the house. Still in her nightdress and barefoot she made her way across Small Heath. She ignored the looks she got from strangers on the street, her mind too focused on her destination. She almost burst through the doors of the betting shop. Given the early hour of the morning the shop was still empty, for which she was grateful for. “Tommy?” she tried, but there was no answer. She quickly made her way into his office, but she was met with an empty room again. Her head started to spin. No. It wasn’t true. Folders piled neatly on the desk, an empty ashtray, the chair placed straight to the desk. Everything seemed perfect. Almost too perfect. She could feel her heart tightening in her chest, tears welling up in the corner of her eyes. No. Shaking hands reached towards her chest. She wanted to scream, but no sound escaped her dry lips. Now the tears fell, she couldn’t hold them back any longer. Dropping down on her knees, she covered her face with her shaking hands as she wept. Consumed by her pain, she didn’t hear the footsteps approaching, didn’t hear someone entering the office. Only when a husky voice said her name did she look up. She froze for a second, before a laugh escaped her lips, her mind trying to decipher dream from reality, it made her nauseous. The figure was at her side in an instant. Piercing blue eyes full of concern. Warm hands gently touching her face, her body, in search for any injury. “Love?” the figure said. A voice that sounded so familiar. “What’s wrong?”

Her eyes focused as the man cupped her head in his hands, making her look at him. “Tommy?” she asked, her voice hoarse and full of pain, yet hope. “Yes, it’s me. What’s happened? Did someone hurt you?” he asked, trying to make sense of the state she was in. More tears escaped her eyes as her mind slowly unclouded and realised that the love of her life was indeed kneeling before her. Alive. As her tears got heavier he pulled her against his chest, safely wrapping his arms around her. He let her cry against his chest. Gently rocking her back and forth. His chin resting on the top of her head. “It’s ok. You’re ok,” he repeated, yet his voice still laced with concern. He tried to think of all the possible scenarios that could have possibly gotten her in this state. His heart ached seeing her like this. Tommy waited for her to calm before he gently pulled her away from him again so that he was able to look at her. “Tell me what happened, love.”

She hesitated for a moment, looking at him through her tired eyes. He was dressed in the same clothes he had worn yesterday. They were stained with dirt at some places, but no blood. His usually sleek mop of hair was slightly disheveled, pointing to the fact that he’d been up on his feet all night, tending to the business he’d said he had to deal with. She reached out to cup his cheek with her hand. His skin was warm and she could feel the light stubble underneath her fingertips. A small smile appeared on her lips. “It was a dream. It was all a dream,” she said, her voice full of relieve.

Tommy placed his hand on hers. “What dream?” he asked. 

“You were dead. It felt so real,” she explained, fresh tears threatening to fall. “It felt so real.”

Tommy gently lifted her hand from his face and kissed her palm. “I’m here. I’m here. I’m fine, ok?” He suddenly felt guilty that he wasn’t here to wake her from her nightmare. That he wasn’t there to immediately hold her. He knew - better than anyone else - what horrible tricks the mind could play. He hated the fact that he wasn’t there to protect her from that. 

Kaylee nodded, taking his hand and squeezing it slightly. “I love you so much.”

Tommy pulled her against his chest once more. Holding her close. “I love you too.” 


End file.
